Chaturbate

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Jeeves
Author: donnchadhwastaken
Description Source Code Launch Bot Current Users
There are 16 other versions of this script.
cb.onMessage(function (msg) {

    // Handles admiration functions
    if ((msg['m'].endsWith("mm") || msg['m'].endsWith("mm!")) 
       && (msg['m'].startsWith('Mm') || msg['m'].startsWith('mm'))) 
    {
         cb.chatNotice("Thank you for contributing to the \'" + msg['m'] + "\' fund.");
    }

   // Replicates /me functionality
   if ( msg['m'].startsWith('/me') )
   {
         msg[ 'X-Spam' ] = true;
         cb.chatNotice( msg['user'] + " " + msg['m'].substr(3, msg['m'].length ) );
   }

   // !fishy
   if ( msg['m'].match(/!fishy/gi) )
   {
         cb.chatNotice( "Space bar!" );
   }

   // !joke
   if ( msg['m'].match(/!joke/gi) )
   {
         var jokeArray = [];
         
         jokeArray.push("What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick");
         jokeArray.push("Why do bees hum? They don't remember the lyrics");
         jokeArray.push("Protractors are useful... to a certain degree");
         jokeArray.push("I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants");
         jokeArray.push("I was going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind");
         jokeArray.push("\"Don't believe everything you read on the Internet\" - Albert Einstein");
         jokeArray.push("If you ever want to build an ark, I Noah guy");    
         jokeArray.push("If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine");
         jokeArray.push("Schrödinger's cat: wanted, dead and alive");
         jokeArray.push("Nothing is worn under this kilt, it's all in perfect working order");
         jokeArray.push("A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, \"Make me one with everything\"");      
         
         cb.chatNotice( jokeArray[Math.floor((Math.random() * (jokeArray.length)))] );
   }
    
});